[WID0076] Guest Post by Mwenecho: Everyday

12-12-2022
Most stories I told weren’t mine
But I got stuck on them, ’cause I could relate
And probably ’cause our conclusion was the same,
Suicide.

And I hate that all we got in common is pain
There should be more to this all
If I had a chance I would love you
But I’m scared too

So all we do is link up to be depressed together
You see me as a strong one
I see u as my pillar
Weak inside, I don’t cry till you go to sleep

Most of the things I said weren’t true
A cover up for most questionable stuff I’ve done
I hate what happened in the past and refuse to face it
I hope my bubble won’t burst now

I fit in perfectly in a place I’m not wanted
I paid a soul so that no-one finds out my true identity
If y’all knew, my wife and kids wouldn’t be my own
I can’t lose again, take it all till my day comes

Most stuff I’ve done, been for the best
That’s what I thought, hope you understand
I finally realized why we never worked out
Truth is you never loved yourself

And I never knew what I wanted
And I never had the heart to tell you
‘Cause I was afraid of being alone, so I just used you
And we stay in touch because we’re each other’s dark secret box

If you knew you never needed me, things would be better
I realized today that if I cannot be someone that makes you feel good,
then my existence in your life has no value and it’s best I give you all the space you need
Even after all this I know you still look for me, but sorry, I’ve got to go

The reason why I named this piece “Everyday” is because that’s most people’s reality and everyday life. They are in our lives because we probably have pain in common. This story is actually not about me, it’s something I saw. Observed you may say, from friends of friends.

When you emotionally invest in someone you make sure that however things go, you come out a different person or come out a positive one. There are too many relationships where we are busy holding each other prison, and it’s not supposed to be like that. Words shouldn’t be used against others cause if they ever told you something in their “down time”, they really trusted you. And it’s inevitable to open up to someone at a certain point of growth. But being in someone’s life just because you can call the shots on them because you got a certain piece of info about them isn’t right and then it’s better you’re out of their life for good.

Mwenecho Botha

IT technician, photographer
Instagram: @smil3yn3cho
Lives in: Malawi