To Sacrifice The Gift of God

Of course, when I started writing this blogpost on the 8th of February only God knew all that this title really held. To sacrifice the gift of God… but wait, I’ll elaborate.

I have been doing a lot. And a lot of it is at the same time. Like the 109 tabs I have open in my Google Chrome, it actually gives me some type of security. I am easily distracted and wander off doing futile things I shouldn’t be doing at that exact moment. I can then end up wasting hours and after realizing that, I also end up feeling bad. One thing that has really helped is turning off my notifications on my phone. The second thing that works out well is this “many ongoing projects” system. Which maybe doesn’t make much sense to you, but to me it offers options for me to be “distracted” by. Things that need to get done as well. So when I get tired or my mind wanders, I can then choose to do something else that’s also left to do.

The system works and I’m happy. But lately, I’ve been feeling God nudging me to focus. To choose one thing and finish it and do it well. This nudge from God gave my procrastinating side a teeny tiny bit of anxiety. These last three to four days have felt as if I’m in withdrawal. I kid you not. But with amazing results!

In a dream I dreamed on the night of 12 to 13 of February God made clear to me that my procrastination, my delaying and the permission I give to be distracted is a disobedience to God. It was a hard reality to swallow. I felt bad, confessed, asked for forgiveness and went to sit in front of my computer with one sole goal to finish the task God had given me a date for. I want to be intentional in all that I do and in all the areas of my life. I want to be an intentional midwife, an intentional writer, an intentional sister, friend, daughter, and servant.

And so I sacrificed. I sacrificed my midwifery work, home care nursing hours, game time with my sister, a surf session, training hours and a Galentine’s with church gals. These were all gifts from God, and they were all needed to be surrendered to Him.

In return, God is gifting me with something new and bold. A book. But you’ll hear more about that next week.