[TIDA0001] Guest Post by Ivan: God Guided Dating

I want to share a testimony on how I met, dated and consequently married my beloved late wife, Claire. I want to start with a definition of Intentional Dating that I came up with.

Intentional Dating is when two people of the opposite sex (man and woman) who know each other and have some God-given guided attraction (Psalm 32:8) for each other meet (Amos 3:3), get together to get to know each other (James 1:19) more thoroughly with the purpose to at God’s time get married (Genesis 2:24).

Two very important aspects or disciplines in this, are the Word of God and Prayer (and Fasting). How was this definition practised in how my wife and I came to know each other and got married? How did the Lord guide us in dating that ended in a marriage?

How I came to know my wife Claire. (The urgency of praying in intentional dating.)
The Lord Jesus Christ saved me and I was born again on the 21st of July 1985. When I started attending church and Sunday School, I was interested in meeting a woman to marry. My priority was in getting to know Jesus, the One who died for me, but on the side I was interested in meeting a Christian woman as well.

The Lord’s first presence.
When I started to attend Sunday School (for new believers) you won’t believe this, but the pastor who was teaching the class was giving biblical instruction on what to look for in a Christian woman to marry. Coincidence, I do not believe this. It was the providence of God guiding me in the first steps of meeting the girl I was going to marry. One thing that got stuck with me is that he said that if you are looking for a Christian woman or girl to marry, make sure that she is active in the church serving the Lord. Again, that was the Lord’s first presence or hand in my desire to know and marry a Christian woman.

The Lord’s guidance.
It was during one of the meetings of the young adult’s Bible Club in November 1985 (which is when I started to attend the club) from the church that for the first time the Lord allowed me to see the one who would be with me for 36 years. I saw a young lady singing and guiding the worship songs (with others) and I liked what I saw in her. She “communicated” seriousness and discipline and by the way, I also thought that she was beautiful. Her name was Claire.

Claire at that moment was one of the most active young ladies in the church (again if you are looking for a spouse look for one who is serving the Lord in the church). Apart from being a leader of the young adult’s Bible club, Claire was also teaching Sunday School, in ministry with the elderly and in ministry with the physically and mentally disabled, and singing in the church whether in duo or trio. She fitted the advice given by my pastor exactly and perfectly.

The power and urgency of prayer in dating.
But Claire had something with her that I thought that I may not be worthy of her. She has a cleanness with her. Now I would say she had a purity with her. That I felt I may not be the guy for that woman. But what I did next was start to pray. My prayer was: “God I like that girl. If You, God, want us to be together, may You be the One that brings us together.”

Getting to know each other.
After my first attended mission conference at the church in March 1986 Claire, my to-be wife, approached me and asked me if I wanted to help her with the elderly, mental and disabled ministry. It was the first time we spoke to each other. Of course, I said “yes”. And I said, “Thank You Lord for answering my prayer”. That same night and service I shared this with the one who was discipling me and asked him what I should do next. He said that I should tell Claire of my interest in her and in what happened. I started practising what to say to Claire about what had happened and my desire to know her more. I did this by choosing my words carefully and practising what I was going to say to her in the mirror. And so, it came about. She said yes to my proposal. We started to date. By the advice given by the one discipling me and also at the request of Claire, we decided to tell no one.

We spent our dating time getting to know each other through a Bible study of the book of Proverbs. We went also through pre-marital counselling for about 7 to 8 months. And three or four weeks before
the date we were planning to marry we decided not to see each other for a week. The idea was that both of us through prayer and fasting would seek the Lord’s will if he really wanted us to get married. In September 1987 we contracted holy matrimony.

In 1995 my wife Claire was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease of which she died on the 9th of August 2022. More of this later. 

Some truths and tips for Intentional Dating.
(The list is not exhaustively but it is what my wife and I practised during our dating time).

• Honor the Lord God above each other. Stress that each one of you must love Jesus first and more (Mark 12:30; Matthew 6:33).
• Give glory to God during dating by setting God-given and guided boundaries. We proposed not to touch each other (1 Corinthians 10:31).
• Do not rule out anything, but talk about everything. Don’t say “when we get married, he/she will stop with this “bad habit””. It won’t and in many cases, it will get worse (Proverbs 19:20; Proverbs 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
• Let prayer and study of the Word of God control and dominate the dating process (2 Timothy 2:15; Matthew 18:20)
• Have a believer friend of confidence (we had an elderly woman from the church) that can pray for you two (Colossians 1:9).

When I married Claire two elderly women, one from church and the other Claire’s neighbour, told me that I married the best that there was. The Lord knows how to give the best to those who are willing to wait for Him (Lamentations 3:25; Psalm 37:4).

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