How To Be A Daughter?

The answer to that, I did not know.

It may sound weird, because once we’re born, I guess we’re all automatically sons and daughters. But think about it. If parents, who become parents once their children are born, have preparation courses and books on how to parent and be parents. And they spend years learning it and perfecting it in the way they see best for their children, for their marriage, for themselves and any other factor involved. If that sounds normal to us, then why does learning how to be a daughter or son not?

Yeah, we grow up not knowing anything else but being taken care of. Our diaper is changed, we are fed, we are held when we cry, we are given clothes, presents and gifts. But what if your parents’ marriage turns into not being the best? What if your parents get divorced when you’re 6 years old and you’re an only child? What if your parents need care themselves? And you unrightfully start believing they need it more than you? How about if you start seeing your parents’ faces turn to one another in anger, and so you start taking care of yourself because their busy being angry? And what if you continue to grow up observing where people’s attention goes, and so you continue to take care of yourself? You start working at the age of 15, with responsibilities that 30-year-olds should have. You start paying for yourself. Providing for yourself. Not wanting to be a bother to ask your parents. But also, you cry by yourself. You are hurt by yourself. You heal by yourself. You enjoy by yourself. Laugh by yourself. I guess, as well, not wanting to bother your parents.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, then yes, you is me. This is me. My story. But not the end of this story.

God has been writing this beautiful love story called “my life”. And my whole life, He has been calling me to Him. Lovingly guiding me to His love. Each chapter its own. Some being written at the same time. In this daughterhood chapter, I started out being exactly that: a Daughter. Then the Divorcee-Daughter turned me into the Independent-Daughter, who secretly, consciously or unconsciously, lived as the Orphan-Daughter. I say lived as, because I wasn’t and am not. Both my parents are well and healthy, and very much so alive. Thank You, Abba. I say lived as, because the parents that I have, I didn’t let them parent me. I haven’t been letting them parent me.

So, from September 2022 on, God has been gradually climaxing this chapter. Healing me from this sickness. This Orphan-Daughter-But-With-Live-Parents-Sickness. First, by teaching me and allowing me to know Him as my Provider, breaking me from the lie I believed and lived that I was independent and needed nothing and no one — that I could take care of myself. Lies. Then He taught and showed me with so much love that He is my loving Heavenly Father, making me a Holy Daughter. Teaching me to be His daughter, holy and loving and worthy and protected, provided for, taken care of, by Him. My Father, Who is also the Creator of the universe. And finally, probably not final, but where we are now, is that I’m learning to be a biological or earthly daughter. To my parents, Kenneth and Iliana.

Since last year, 2024, God has been opening my eyes to places and areas where I didn’t allow my parents to just be my parents. Living very far from them, and building our relationship through video calls and WhatsApp messages, makes it easier to stay blind to these things. My biggest shame, was not feeling comfortable asking my parents for money. I had been through weeks of eating the same carrots, potatoes, peanuts and bananas in twenty different ways, while my parents know of nothing and daily eat exactly what they want to eat. I robbed them of being my parents, of taking care of me and loving me. I’ve wept, repented, apologised and gone out to sin no more. I have been healing. God has been recovering me. And now, this next layer of healing: being taken care of presentially. My mother cooking every day for me, making Johnny Cakes and saving pistachio cake for me. Us eating out as a family. My father making plans for us to go to a weekend house, and swim, snorkel, and go out to the water and nature. My parents just presentially and personally taking care of me. Loving me. Spoiling me. I thank You, Abba, for I am loved and being loved.

Danki papa i mama. Words won’t explain how much I appreciate you and love you being my parents, and how grateful and humbled I am. It’s a true blessing to be your daughter. I love you!