Breaking Through A Dusty Layer

23-11-2025
I haven’t even started typing yet and I’m crying already. Well, my eyes are watering with tears. Today has been a mixture of feelings. I’m trying to get back, but also, not really. I’m entering a new phase. Maybe a new level. Not yet super saiyan. Just kidding. But no jokes though, I am entering a new level. A new level of spirituality. A new Spiritual level. Where I cannot live without His Power. I fasted and prayed some weeks ago for Passion, Preparation and Presence. But now, this morning, I started a new prayer: for Power! My goodness. The power of the Holy Spirit. I want to be filled by His power.

If I think back to recent months, from May on, I can remember two moments where I felt this power. In May I received His power to be able to work through 190 consultations in a small village called Tabanane, in 8 days and in 40 to 50 degrees Celsius. Water dripping from my face, I was sweating like a pig. And I was smelling like one too. I believe I got dehydrated as well. I couldn’t hide from the heat, the water from the tab was coming out hot. There was no quenching of thirst. One night I even curled up in a ball because of pain. Stomach, food poisoning, dehydration, I don’t really know what it was. But I prayed and was healed, glory to God. Those days, where I lived and worked in complete foreign habitat for my body. When my body should’ve shut down, broken down or knocked out, my body kept going by the power and the strength of the Holy Spirit.

The second moment was in August during our church’s summercamp. My body was already tired from months of working nonstop. Night shifts, church services and meetings, office hours at home, consultations and so on. Three nights in a row I slept few hours after full days of driving, activities and serving. I believe I went from 3 hours, to 5 hours and then final, to 2 hours of sleep. When I understood I had to wake up earlier than I had put my mind to. I put my mind to God, and thought that only through Him I could. My first thought was Him. My source. And right at the thought, He filled me with His power. I felt it stream and flush from my toes to my head. I understood what was happening and I started crying, surrendering more and more. That was the start and the day of my Holy Spirit baptism.

Now the differences here that I am learning about are two. Firstly, there is a difference between the presence of the Holy Spirit, or the Holy Spirit being with us, and the power of the Holy Spirit, being filled with His power. I am sure God has been with me my whole life. I am sure that I have experienced the presence of the Holy Spirit, regularly, often, surely. And I am sure that I have not experienced His power enough.

Then comes the realisation. My two moments these recent months ago, the first of them I had experienced His power “without my realisation”. Yes, I knew none of it was normal. Yes, I knew I was working not by my own strength. But I did not stand still, take the moment in, to realise what was truly happening. I was on auto-pilot. I kept going. Even after I felt the Holy Spirit speak to my heart to stop running. I stopped for a second, cried it out, just a bit, and then continued running. I did not sit and savour. No, I did not stop and allow the Holy Spirit to pour out His power fully. I did not allow Him to finish and flow as He pleases. As I see the difference with August, I see I gave in. Completely. I surrendered. And each thought presented to me of something I still held on to or cared about, I surrendered again. No care, no attachments. I did not run, move, or start with anything else, but I gave thanks. I prayed and thanked the Holy Spirit. And as I kept lying there, every time a bit more, I felt His power enter more and more. Filling me. Taking control of me. Allowing Him to flow and go about His will. This was a fast crescendoing process till I reached a point where I could no more. I couldn’t hold myself. I was no more. He was. His power was. And it broke me. I cried for three hours straight. I mourned. I wept. I felt. And I don’t want that to be my only experience.

This morning I prayed a new prayer. One I will be diligent, intentional and consistent with. I want I no more. I want Him and His power alone. I want to see God move every day of my life. I want to see  Him move. I want to see Him. Know Him. Feel Him. I want to speak in tongues, so that I don’t speak, but He alone. I want to interpret tongues, so that not my understanding, but His alone. I want to see the doors of heaven opened. I want to hear the angels crying out “Holy is His name!” I want to see people being healed. I want to see people being saved. I want to see people get baptized and see their names being written in the book of life. I want to experience His power. I want to live His power. I want to be completely filled by His power.

Why this mixture of feelings I felt? Because I am breaking through. Breaking through layers. And it’s messy, dusty, a bit dirty. And it is good. Great! And so promising.