It took me a few days to write this post. I couldn’t figure out how to put it to words. Also the pressure of time I once again put on myself didn’t help, wanting to first publish this on the last day of the year, then the first day of this new year and now 3 days later.. here I am. I guess it’s perfect, didn’t Jesus rise from the dead after 3 days? This is me rising up with Him. I got inspired with words after watching Under the Tuscan Sun. The way ‘life’ is portrayed in that movie, the way Frances lives her life through obstacles and the way, what for me symbolizes The Living Water, was graciously, openly and with full flow pouring in her house, which for me symbolizes life. It made me reflect on mine and the past year and the wishes that I have asked for and that have been gracefully granted to me. It made me realize that I had Crazy Faith all along. Not just now, because I heard the term for the first time just a few weeks or days ago in a Transformation Church video, no, definitely my crazy faith didn’t just start now and won’t be a goal or so called new year’s resolution for 2020 either.
I guess I had crazy faith when I was 11 years old and came home and told my mother that I want to become a midwife. I guess I had crazy faith when I was 5 or 6 years old and one night crawled in between my parents while they were sleeping and softly said “miep miep miep” like a little mouse because my Jaja told me that it will result in a sibling I always wanted like I saw the rest of my cousins have. I can’t believe that memory makes me cry, it’s like I feel that yearning I had as a kid at that age like I am really in that moment, reliving it. I guess I had crazy faith when I was little and started saying I want to go to Africa after seeing my favorite movie The Lion King so many times. And I guess I had crazy faith when I decided I want to move to Portugal.
Why not? Why not have crazy faith and just go for it? “Are you a why not guy or a why guy?” – that’s what Owen Wilson asked Eddie Murphy in that I-Spy movie. The why guy asks “why should I do that?” “Why should I go there”, whilst the why not guy simply asks “why not?”. Right now God is teaching me to why-not, to relax, take my time, slow down and Enjoy. It’s ok if I don’t publish a post on a “perfect” time or timeline. It’s ok if things takes longer than I hoped it would. Just enjoy and have fun. Live in the moment. Live in the now.
So now, entering 2020 with no job yet, no midwifery or nursing registration yet, not even with a contract yet of the place I’m living in AND with total freedom, with complete trust in God, loads of free time, the desire to serve the Lord in every way I can, to be His vessel, His pawn so I can be used in any way He wants to..
So yes, believe me when I tell you that this.. This is Crazy Faith.