[WID0016] Guest Post by Mwenecho: Untitled

I met Mwenecho in Malawi at the Nursing and Midwifery Council of Malawi. I don’t remember how precisely, I think I went to pay for my registration and he was there, as the IT guy, talking to the guy that would assist me. Or they were just chatting and someone else helped me, I don’t remember precisely. Then we all talked a little and he asked if I had Instagram, so we exchanged account names. We then talked once in a while and over the time we became friends and today still are. He loves photography and sees the beauty in details. He’s very poetic, a deep thinker and is great in finding musical gems. Enjoy his first time sharing his piece of mind on the WID series.

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Hello world.

My name is Mwenecho T. Botha but everyone calls me Smiley, ‘cause for some reason people think I’m smiling when I talk which seems to excite them. So I guess it’s a good, that I make people happy.

I wanted to title everything I am going to share but for some reason I think you all might have a better title so feel free to write the title down the comment section. So for now I’m just going to say: these are the things I never said. So here it goes…

A lot has happened the passed days. Good and bad. But I should be grateful I’m sharing this with you. At this point I don’t know much about life, but I also understand much and that anything can happen. And to be honest, I’m scared. In a short time life’s taken a turn and every day there seems to be a new obstacle to deal with. At some I wished I was still a kid. Mindless about the troubles of life. But reality is harsh and unfair. Despite that, life on the other hand is beautiful. Full of miracles. And even though, I get caught up being selfish. That I don’t consider the blessings in my life. Deep down I know God has been and still is there for me.

It’s been a while since I wrote anything about God. I won’t lie, I always convince myself that I have valid excuses: too tired, too busy, etc. I actually forgot about my blessings that I started admiring a certain life standard I had to achieve. An achievement for myself that I’m so desperate to get. Today I was preparing what I should wear when going to work tomorrow and I remembered I had to share something on Write It Down. So I had this poem, but I thought of something else as I was polishing my shoes. It’s awkward how I often try to polish it here and there so I should look presentable, but easily forget to clean the burdens that lay deep in my heart. And here I am, so concerned about what others would think if I don’t look in a certain way. I hope things would be different, but the truth is even though I say that, it’s easier for me to forget and start worrying about getting a new pair of shoes to look presentable at work.

It’s a shame I’m only observant about the outside self but not the inside self.
Someone asked me about what I have done for God and when the last time I prayed was. It got to me, but I had to come up with a cover answer in a lie and said: “I’m at that point in my life that I trust God that I don’t have to pray every day”. And that just means I’m ungrateful for the blessings I have. And truthfully, I had so much to tell God when I lacked.

My Christian mom would be disappointed if she would hear me now, comforting my own doom in lies. My Muslim uncle would say: “child you have forgotten who you are and trust me, when war comes, you’re alone”. My nieces would say: “uncle, dad said you’re lost in the world trying to get what you don’t need”. And my dad would actually say “it’s a shame you know so much yet you don’t understand”.

So here I am. Sharing my shame and all my hard work in life. I feel I actually haven’t achieved anything for myself, no matter how much credit I get from family and friends. That I have been there for them and some would even go to the extent of saying “dude, you saved me”. But how many more I’d have to save and in what way have I saved them? But if it comes to saving my soul, what will be the cost for it?