This week’s guest writer is Raisa and she is Stephanie‘s best friend and our family friend. Well she practically is our cousin by now. I am so glad and proud of Raisa for writing and sharing this piece. And proud of seeing so much growth and a beautiful process she is going through. When we were going over the text she told me how she even got an extra confirmation from God to share the story and that it was good. She got it while watching Blinded by Want by Sarah Jakes Roberts and I hope Raisa’s testimony will do the same for you. May it be a confirmation, inspiration and/or motivation to you.
I wanted to share my story and I will do my best to be short. Because I could write a whole book about my life. But I wanted to remind each and every one of you how beautiful, special and unique you all are. There are a lot of negative things happening in this world but there are a lot of good things happening too.
My testimony will be about finding myself and feeling inner peace. I’m 33 years old now and I haven’t achieved all the things that I planned or dreamed of yet. If things would’ve gone my way I would be married and with kids right now, I would have a great business with a good diploma and would be helping other people finding their way. But we have to remember that every piece of experience we go through is for a reason. I’ll say ‘not yet’ because I believe that everyone has their own timing. And for my Christian brothers and sisters; you all know that it’s not our way, but God’s way.
But let’s go back to my story.. I was a very happy little girl who loved animals and people. I was born on beautiful Curaçao and I remember when my mom would take me to the beach. She would not have to worry about me getting bored when it was just the two of us. She would lay down sunbathing on the beach and I would easily make friends with one of the kids playing there. Why am I telling you guys this? Because, this little positive girl will change till all the positive in her disappears. When growing up people would tell me “don’t talk too much, you talk too much”. They would tell me more things like: “you are too slow” or “you are too abnormal, be normal”, “you have to be athletic, you suck at sports”, “you have to have good grades, because lower than a 6 (out of 10) is a no-go”, “you’ll then be a failure”. Later on I also got to hear: “you are not that skinny, you have to be skinny”. All of these things I wouldn’t only hear from loved ones, but also from other people around me. This continued on and so I started to hate myself. I could still see the beauties in the world, the beauty of animals and people, but I wouldn’t see my own. I would only walk to the mirror to look if my clothes, hair or make-up was presentable. When my mom got sicker I became sadder and asked God why me. I’m a good person and I would never intentionally hurt someone. My mom is also a good person. So why did she get a bipolar disorder? Why God?When I was busy asking ‘why’, I forgot about my blessings. I forgot that God always took care of me and my mom. Yes, we did have a lot of challenges, but we did had a lot of blessings too. I am blessed to have supportive and loving family and friends. And when I couldn’t talk to them, God would put people on my path who’d help me. Such as church members, neighbours, work colleagues or others at school. I was a negative person with a good and very big heart. But I forgot to see the beauty in myself. I lost myself.
When my mom passed away in 2019, you could already imagen what happened. I lost myself again untill God said: “Enough! get up!”. I was on my bed laying in a depression and a burnout while watching youtube when I saw the video from Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts: Girl get up! It was like the message was talking to me, God was speaking to me: “Raisa, I am not done yet. No, I will not take you now. I need you to see the beauty and power in yourself and I need you to share this with others”.
God also told me: “I need you all to stand up and share love, happiness and the good in the world. The world needs good things and it needs to switch its focus”. This message is not for ‘Christians’ or ‘non Christians’, but for everyone. You can choose to love and send this into the world. Help eachother, pay it forward. When we send positive energy into the world, the negative energy will become smaller and smaller. No, it will not disappear. Because we do need a balance in the world. But you can choose to make the balance normal and not how it is going right now. We need to understand ourselves and also eachother. Faith is not bound on religion but it is in you. All of you. Like me for example; I chose to look at what I didn’t have, I chose to look at the bad. But I then forgot all the good. But when you focus on what you have and you are truly gratefull for it, then you will receive much more. How are you reacting to challenges in your life? They will always come. But how will you then react? Will you go forward or stay in fear, anger or depression? Stand up and know you are loved!
You are an amazing, strong, awesome person. You are beautiful. You can achieve anything you put your mind to. If not, you will get something much better! Happiness is a state of mind, it is not a destination. I want you to know that you are not alone. For the Christian readers; God tell us to focus on our spiritual growth to go to heaven. But God also told me to bring a bit of heaven to the world. We will accomplish this if we send love to others and stand up and begin helping others more and more. It is not our duty to judge. When you lift yourself and someone else up, this person can choose to pay it forward. And then the love that I mentioned before, the Spirit of love will increase in this world. Please don’t wait for change, but be the change today! Even if they’re small steps..
Thank you for reading my story,
Free spirit, lover (not a fighter), encourager & a dreamer
Lives in: The Netherlands