I prayed: forgive my sin Father, for I lacked faith. Forgive me for lacking faith.

Romans 14:23 [ESV] – “For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.”

I lacked faith for relying on a steady income. Relying on an income in general. Always looking for a job instead of looking to You. Having faith in You, Completely, not lacking one tiny bit. Knowing that You’ll provide for me as You’ve done so many times, are still doing today and as you always will. Forgive me for not going all in on myself as You have. You went all in for me. You gave me a business I love, which fit me, was made for me. Which I made with details that I love and You delighted in them all. You asked of me to keep a blog for You, to write, to share and to testify. To invite and allow others to use this platform. You asked of me to pay my part, financially, in time, in energy. And to give a 100% back in Love. The same Love You show me daily.

Simple right?

Why did it take me so long to get here? To leave There. Where I was stagnant. Unhappy. Unsatisfied. Malnutritioned. Where I was dehydrated and slowly dying. Where I always felt to be missing something, I wasn’t there yet, I was seeking, working towards it. So I thought. But no. I was running in circles. In a loop. Spiraling and looking down. Well.. it’s enough.

It’s time to look up.

These series of events and feelings that I experienced the last 7 months have made me pop out of my cocoon. This uncomfortable cocoon of comfort. Where I rely on myself and work places I don’t want to and don’t enjoy because of needing to pay things. Where I didn’t fully live by or excelled as the Princess-Warrior-Daughter that I am. Where thoughts and opinions of others threatened to loose sight of self in a period where I was finessing myself. It’s enough. The event of my cousin dying last December was the first crack in that cocoon. The moment I decided my word, or in this case words, of the year to be Zero Tolerance. Which meant mostly zero tolerance to myself. These past 7 months I have been cracking out of this cocoon. It is cracked. It is broken. It is open. It is freeing and I feel reborn.

Today 28th of July I asked God for forgiveness. Forgiveness for lacking faith. For lacking faith in Him. My Rock, my Source and All I need. This is a new beginning. Metamorphosis till rebirth.

My favourite pieces on Metamorphosis by Philip Glass. Especially the second part.

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